You should of known.
Should of known...
How could he love you the way you loved him anyways? How was he supposed to fucking. understand the way you think? Your just a normal girl, that happens to know who he is. And how, he feels. Sometimes, you wonder why he even bothers to pester you.
Why does he not care, but chooses to speak to you anyways? After you told him... He ignored you for a few days, then came back once again.
He doesn’t understand how many times you’ve cried to yourself. Having to bury your face in a tear stained pillow or wait for the drowning noise from a running faucet. Just because, he chose to ignore your feelings. Your feelings of undying love. He should know, that this is unsettled. Because, you feel unloved, and so should he.
But how? How could you make a mutant feel the way he does? How are you supposed to make him feel meaningless and unworthy of living on this planet.
How are you supposed to make him care like you did.
Like you still do.
“_____?” You heard a voice from outside your thoughts, pulling you back into reality. You glanced up at Terezi.
“Hm?” You looked back away. She sniffed a little.
“I smell tears.” She said with a little smile and wiped your eyes with her thumb and licked your pathetic tears from her thumb.
“Stop,” You grumbled and brushed your cheeks for any tears she may have missed. She stopped smiling and squatted in front of you, now she didn’t tower over you.
“Hey, why don’t you stop with the oh woes me bullshit in my corner.” She didn’t sound very sarcastic with her hands on her knees. You only shrugged.
“I just want to stay here.” You mumbled and pushed yourself closer into the folding corner. Terezi started to play with your hair and scooted closer by getting on her knees.
“Fine.” She spoke softly, placing a strand of you (h/c) hair into her mouth and nomming on it a little. You stifled a sigh, ignoring her. She could be a little annoying at times, but you could handle it. Terezi noticed how you didn’t do anything to shoo her away and she let go of your hair.
“Come on...” She slid her red glasses down her nose to get a better look at you. “You’re no fun.” You formed a straight line with your lips.
“I think I might go and see Karkat again.” You mumbled and brought yourself up to your feet. She watched you stand and didn’t move a muscle to stand, but instead moved back into her squatting again.
“You’re only going to piss him off again.” She said, closing her eyes and pushing her glasses back up. She even shrugged her shoulders. Her words made you clench your fists. She grinned as she noticed your tension.
“You know it’s true~” She chuckled and stood as well. You took a step away from her.
“I know.” You mumbled, you hated knowing that that was the truth.
“Good luck moirall.” She stuck her pointed tongue out a little like a snake, and then slid it back in.
“Bye.” With that, you left the troll’s hive and onto your adventure to find Karkat’s again.
What a painful journey. He didn’t live far away, but he didn’t live close. You felt like an idiot drying your forehead from sweat. Then, you dried your heads and reared your fist back to knock. Just... You didn’t find the courage to do so, and cowered away like a fucking idiot.
You have to find the courage, just had to. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to do anything without crying and shaking. You wouldn’t be able to show Kar how much you really cared about him.
Just, reassure yourself. Just, tell yourself how great it’s going to end up like. Like in the stories, a happy fairy tale. That’s better. You drew back your fist once more and knocked on the door.
There was a little noise within the hive, then the door opened. Karkat, of course, answered. His red eyes squinted and he rubbed them with the back of one hand. Then, he squinted at you. He acted as if he had just woken up.
“_____? What the-? Fuck, go away.” He tried to shut the door, but you quickly put your hand out to stop the door.
“No!” He shouted, his face reddened. “Just... Whatever asshole.” He lumbered deeper into his dark hive. You took that as an advantage to enter the troll’s hive.
“Kar?” You whispered softly and left the door open to allow in a little. It wasn’t only dark, it was black. “Kar?” You whispered a little louder.
“What?” You heard him snap a little ways away from you. You brought your hands together and stared into the dark.
“What’s the matter?” You whispered softly.
“You.” He grumbled. A can was kicked across the room and straight under the light from the open door. You jumped slightly since the noise was unexpected.
“Why?” You squated to pick up the tin can and examined it.
“Because your annoying.” Karkat answered as you tossed the can back. “Ow!” He snapped and the can went flying back. “Will you fucking stop!? Just leave!” Springs snapped under the weight of something. You took a step in the dark, disappearing instantly.
“No I’m not.” Truth be told, your eyes had started watering. You loved him with all your heart. He didn’t understand your undying, unsettled, loving feelings for him. Because, he wanted you unloved. Which is quite rude if you ask him.
“Yes you are fuckass! I said get out,” More springs snapped as your knees hit the bed of something. Your fingers felt over the rubbery couch of a... couch? Some sort of seat. “H-Hey...” More springs crackled as your fingers explored more. You knew you weren’t touching him.
“What?” You said softly, having no idea you had found him until three of your fingers hit his leg, but it scuttled away from you. Your face burned as you thought of something.
You wanted to be settled, loved.
You picked up your hands and silently stepped closer to him. You leaned over, heart pumping, and rested your hands on his knees. You found him.
“H-Hey d-dumbass.” His knees started shaking. “Wh-What the fuck- Mrrph~!” He stopped as you trailed your hands up his legs.
“Kar, I-I love you.”
“I know...” He gasped in annoyance. You still didn’t understand why he would get so upset about it.
“Why don’t I love you? Because your annoying.” You stopped your hands about half-way up his thighs. Still unable to see one another.
“You ask to many questions.” He said rather bluntly.
“Oh,” You smiled softly and leaned closer to him. Then, you lifted one hand and touched his face. You could feel his warmth as his blush grew and your index finger stopped on his lips and you leaned closer. “I-I’m sorry for that. I only did that because I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Whatever- Hey! St-Stop- Mrrph~!” His words morphed in one as you kissed him. You could tell he didn’t want this as he didn’t kiss you back. He drew his arms back, then violently pushed you off. That sent you stumbling back and falling on your behind in surprise.
“I said fuck off!” He shouted, springs creaking as he curled into a ball. He’s crabby, and he likes to hide in his stupid shell. What if you were to break that shell and lick out those soft muscles?
That thought made you blush. Perverted or not, is was weird.
All of a sudden, the embarrassment seeped in more and you started to wish this could of all been a little dream. A nightmare. You started to cry silently.
“I don’t know why I try!” You shouted back, stood, and ran out the door.
“Me neither!” He shouted back. That made you go all the back to Terezi’s for a sheltering hug.
“I don’t want to go back.” You whispered, back in your corner. Which, you should of stayed in.
“I told you, now didn’t I?” She said with a silly grin. You grunted.
“I know. But I still don’t understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand.” She propped her feet up on her desk since she had been sitting beside her computer. “Karkat’s a jerk. And once a jerk, always a fuck up.”
“Thanks.” You said with a little smile.
“That’s what I’m here for.” She let her glasses slide down again.